ok - so i need to vent for a moment. and this being my blog, i give myself full permission to do just that.
first off, i want to say thank you to all the people who have been and continue to be SO supportive of what i'm doing with my virtual tour. and my career in general. it's really awesome to see such an amazing response to the songs i'm posting. it started out as an idea - something fun to do since i wasn't going on tour. and now, 1 month and over 1 million views later, it seems to have taken on a life of its own, which is really really neat.
i would say the whole experience has been 95% good.
and the other 5% you ask?
well, it seems the anonymity and instant access of the internet brings out the worst of the human race. i now understand why people do not read their own reviews. and at least with reviews you're dealing with (usually) educated, coherent people. at least most of the time. not the case with the internet. every unhappy, bitter, jealous, jilted, inadequate, unintelligent loser on the planet gets to have a voice. and the best part of it is that they have direct access to the person they wish to target.
it's both extremely interesting and extremely fucking annoying. it's a whole new world of distribution and exposure...people have never had access like this to public figures. and being a public figure has never been so easy! any idiot can do it. film your dog taking a shit and you can get a million plays on youtube. film your friend falling down drunk in a parking lot and yup - you guessed it - internet superstar! so PLEASE do not think i'm trying to claim some sort of superior title by calling myself a "public figure." i only mean it in the sense of someone who has been seen by a lot of people. which, like i said, is not hard to do these days.
have you ever had the experience where you're driving and someone does something particularly shitty - like honks at you when you have the right of way and then flips you off as they drive by? and something in you briefly snaps and you feel hard, ugly rage.......i've experienced that a few times in LA, where i feel like it's a good thing i don't have a weapon because the urge to wave it out the window while screaming "i'm gonna fucking kill you you worthless piece of shit - get out of your car right now and meet your maker!" would be almost uncontrollable. hard to believe that feeling lives within me. it's something primal and deep and it ain't pretty. but it happens.
i find myself experiencing a similar sensation when i read certain comments on youtube. which, I KNOW, is so ridiculous on my part, since the comments i refer to are written by people who have nothing better to do than to sit and watch all my videos and then post negative comments about them! i can only imagine the person posting these comments. most likely he's 12. and that right there should be enough to make me look at it and laugh.
but then there are the obviously slightly older crew of haters. they usually spell at least one word wrong - mess up your and you're - you know, something telling like that - ex. "you're music sounds like tori amos. i know 4 songs with the same chords. learn to play guitar and get a nose job."
or "i know 20 girls who sound just like you. you are not original. people only like you because your hot."
see, comments like that bring out the worst in me, even if only for a moment. it's times like that when i realize that my inner snob is alive and well. sitting alongside my inner ruffian. i want to reach into the computer, through the lovely energy waves of time and space, come out on the other side of the screen and do two things:
1. give a grammar lesson in the proper use of contractions.
2. cause bodily harm. lots of it.
once again, let me reiterate -
I KNOW these people are morons. even the ones who claim to be "trying to help me improve," or "in the business." to the last phrase, let me state that i know many people "in the business" and none of them spend their time leaving comments on youtube videos. (finding the proper way to contact the people who make the videos and wanting to get involved, yes.......)
i'm baffled by it, truly. and that's why i'm writing this. i do not understand how i could know all that i know about people and psyches and emotions and still let myself get upset by these comments. it's silly, really. i know this. and i'm not going to do it anymore. most of the time i don't. i usually just feel a mix of pity and disgust. but occasionally i read one that just makes my blood boil.
a good reason NOT to read youtube comments....but then i might miss the really good ones. and those make me happy.
ah, life's dilemmas. (see, the dilemma belongs to "life" in this case, so we use the apostrophe to indicate ownership.)