because i simply can't resist passing on some of my knowledge to this rising young revolving door rehab superstar....
as you begin what looks to be a long journey to that semi-well, never quite sober, but not as bad as it used to be place where most musicians land after multiple stints in rehab, and being a young, dark-haired, tattooed jewess myself, also on island records, sharing a (now in the past) penchant for similar substances, perhaps i can offer some useful bits of information based on my own time spent recovering from "exhaustion."
in no real order, just sort of thrown together in a scattered list, which is (judging by my own experience) all you will be able to comprehend for a long while anyway, here are some tips:
1. never let a fellow rehab inmate give you a haircut. (and that's not some sort of fancy prison-speak for some other nasty thing - i honestly mean it - don't let your roommate cut your hair. shaky hands make for really bad style. trust.)
2. scientology is not a religion.
3. when two men start to lace up their shoes, or say something like "don't make me lace up my shoes," that means they are about to beat each other into bloody pulp, or at least talk about doing that while two large male nurses hold them back. (though your rehab is probably a lot more posh than mine, so maybe that doesn't happen. and if it does, it's probably your husband who started it.)
4. ping pong can be a really fun game.
5. you don't have to do the arts and crafts if you don't want to. they can't make you. no matter what they say.
6. suddenly eating giant amounts of fried foods and macaroni and cheese and cake and starchy shit and chocolate (which they'll tell you is a great replacement for heroin as it - ya right - creates a similar feeling in the brain) will make you gain a whole lot of weight. not necessarily a bad thing, but be forewarned. what you eat in rehab does actually count. no one told me and i came out super fat.
7. the people you meet there will probably not end up being your friends for life, sisters, BFFs, closest confidants, no matter what you all decide in the middle of the night when it's you against the nurses. (and damn those nurses for trying to help save your fucking life.)
8. being forced to go on welfare so the hospital can make as much money as possible in some insurance scam is really humiliating. (again, maybe not something you will encounter being that you are already a celebrity and i was just a junkie.)
9. same thing with the half-fare bus card for the disabled and elderly. anyone who happens to see it as you board the bus will stare at you, trying to figure out if you're handicapped or retarded or both.
10. church can be fun and it's a good way to get out into the real world for a while. after a few rounds of gospel choir sing-alongs you'll be belting it out like jennifer hudson.
11. oh - and another church thing - when they pass around the collection baskets, don't take the money. even though it seems like a funny thing to do. people are really weird and touchy about that.
12. don't threaten other patients with your "connections" to organized crime families when they do or say something you might not like. it never makes you look cool and everyone knows you're full of shit.
13. oh - and next time you make an escape, maybe try something more subtle than a helicopter. just a thought.
hope that helps! i'll pass along any other useful tips as they come to mind. i also have some good pointers for halfway houses, should they become relevant.