i seriously don't get it but i think i know where it started.
see, i'm being stalked by some girl on myspace who claims that i'm sleeping with her friend's boyfriend. he's apparently a handsome, dark haired, older english guy who makes frequent visits to LA, stays at the beverly hills hotel or the sunset marquis, takes me on trips, buys me things, treats me like a princess, spoils the hell out of me.....
to be honest, it doesn't sound all that bad!!
but it totally sucks to have the stalker girl without any of the benefits of dating this guy!
so, in case you're out there, mr. handsome english man, here's a list of some things i want.
if i'm gonna be stalked i might as well get some shit out of it, right?
1. TOYOTA PRIUS (i bought a matrix because it was a lot less expensive and almost the same gas mileage, but the kept woman of an international jet-setter can't really be seen driving around in a matrix, right?? a prius will effectively take me out of the race by letting people know that i could afford more, but made a socially conscious decision.)
2. GRAND PIANO (or a baby grand. i'm fine with that. steinway, please. and dark wood - i don't really like light colored pianos.)
3. LASIX (i could buy this myself, but why should i?)
4. MY 2nd ALBUM (small investment, $100K should do it.)
5. GED QUINN (he's my favorite artist at the moment. i've been wanting to start an art collection, and ged quinn would be a great opening acquisition.)
6. iPhone (i have a blackberry, but i really want an iPhone. maybe you can also get me out of my t mobile contract?)
7. NEUMANN U87 ANNIVERSARY MIC (for home recordings.)
thank you, my sweet english sugar daddy, for your continued support.
oh - the girl on myspace seems to think you need viagra, so i might as well be helpful and pass along the info. maybe something good will come from this. no pun intended.
ps - don't ever lend your blackberry to some fucked up person you meet at a party whose phone has died. that fucked up person might send text messages to other random fucked up people and those fucked up people might end up with your number on their phones. they might have all kinds of drama going on. drama you DO NOT need to deal with in your hectic but morally and ethically sound life.