naomiland

baby got back

i'm back from LA.

it was the first time i've really truly loved being in los angeles. i didn't want to leave. had some amazing experiences and met some incredible people. and found, after a year in london, that the sun does indeed still exist. i didn't even mind the traffic. just listened to music and drove my little old man rental car. it was a silver 4-door ford sedan.

i stayed with my brother, spent tons of time with my friends, thought about what is important to me and where i want to go next, went to some fun dinners...LA style dinners, that is...my brother and i ordered a pasta dish which we were going to share, and i swear, all conversation stopped and every head in the room turned to stare. i don't know when the last plate of pasta was ordered at a west hollywood restaurant. judging by the horrified looks on our dinner guests' faces, i'd say it had been quite some time since the "p" word was last spoken by anyone but an apologetic waiter.

needless to say, we changed our order to seared tuna with steamed broccoli and snap peas and a salad. which we picked at.

thing is, the same man who warned us of "carb face" ordered all these amazing desserts and practically forced us to eat them. just when you thought you knew the rules...maybe he was bringing us all down with him. "dammit, if i'm gonna have carb face, then everyone at this table is gonna have carb face!"

it was refreshing to get back to the land of the thin. i always did love feeling like the fattest person in the room. my ego (and my ass) was probably getting a bit too big over here in london, what with all the massive success i've been experiencing (hints of sarcasm), so it was good to experience that old familiar sense of self-loathing.

LA definitely plays by a different set of rules. i have experienced the good, the bad and the ugly in that city. how i wish i could write everything on this blog....how i wish i could tell you guys everything i have experienced as of late. but i can't. someday i will, if only to warn you of potential missteps. although we all need to experience our own cliches, right? the ones which happen over and over again, which we feel ourselves stepping into while we tell ourselves "nope, won't happen to me!"

it's amazing what can happen when we make the right decisions for ourselves, though. i can't even tell you what i experienced in LA. for many reasons. at some point i will fill you in. or you will not need to be filled in, because you will already know. in that case, i will elaborate on all of it, and give you as much inside scoop as i feel comfortable giving at the appropriate time. let's just say it's all good. and such an incredibly positive affirmation of the decisions i've made in the past few months. major decisions which were some of the hardest i've ever had to make. this trip to LA showed me, through chance encounters and crazy coincidences, that all is well.

looking out on a dreary, rain-soaked london street and remembering that the sun still shines,
terra

woke up this morning

and i'm in seattle and it's amazing to be here!!
it's still dark outside, and the rest of my family is asleep, but it's 1pm london time and i woke up so excited to be here. i'm definitely in need of some family time.

the small details are really making me happy this morning - the electric wall outlets - what are they called? sockets? anyway - they are made to fit the little prongs i grew up with. i like those little prongs.
and i watched tv for 1 hour last night and saw about 5 drug company commercials.

one showed a studio in nashville with a bunch of old guys in a session, recording, and one guy is like, 'hey guys - check this out!' and starts singing 'viva las vegas' but instead it's 'viva viagra.'
and they all kind of chuckle to themselves and join in, playing along, pedal steel, keys, a full-on nashville studio session, while the commercial warns you of possible side effects and advises you to call in if you experience an erection which lasts longer than 4 hours.
also advises you to  ask your doctor if your heart is strong enough for sex.
seriously.
i'm pretty sure those are the exact words, too.
"check with your doctor to make sure your heart is strong enough for sex."
hopefully your doctor advises you in detail - would hate to see some poor misinformed guy drop dead because his doctor ok'd sex, but only basic, boring sex, and he decided to go all crazy-like with his 4 hour hard-on.
jesus.
scary.
god bless the USA.
my personal vote goes to elliot spitzer for future spokesperson. how cool would that be?!?
what a fucking prick. (literally)

so ya - i've managed  write about my mom, dad, and viagra all in the same paragraph, and something about that is seriously disturbing.

i think i'm going to give myself a time out and sit in the corner until i can think of something slightly less inappropriate to write about, ok?

(going to corner. more later. xox)

beware the jack russell

almost had my very first bike accident today!
a near-collision with a very small jack russell terrier.
what an embarrassing way to go down, really.
derailed by a small, white and brown dog.
everything is coming together quite nicely, i must say.
plans are moving forward and i feel organized, positive, and supported in my efforts.
i read all the hype about some of the female artists coming out now - see the radio support and the PR machine working at it's highest level, bestowing proclamations of greatness upon the flavor of the moment - and all i can think is, they are not going to know what hit them when i finally come out with what i'm going to come out with. and that is all i will say about that.

the best artists in the world, those who truly inspire and last, have all gone through tremendous struggles to get to where they are/were. not the here today, gone tomorrow cookie cutter formulaic pop acts - that does not interest me at all - but the people with real stories, who inspire other people, who go through the ups and downs of life and art and stick it out. those who live it. that is what interests me. not to say that i'm not looking forward to the part where things get easy for a second and i sit back and reflect on the tough times - i can't wait - that will be a fun time, i'm sure - but i'm here now and i'm doing what i love and i am about to make the best music i have ever made, and that keeps me going. that, and the encouraging words of the people who believe in me - those that i work with and those i have never met - all of you reading this, all of you who read all the silly shit i write, watch the videos, send me messages, come to my shows, let me know that my music means something to you, on a deep level, and you have found it on your own - not because radio has pushed it into your lives, not because you have been inundated with photos and advertisements to the point where you don't even know whether you like the music or not and it has just become part of your life, so you sing along every time you hear it on the radio, in the supermarket, etc etc etc.
if you are listening to my music it is simply because you have decided for yourself that you like it.
that means a lot to me.
thank you.
i look forward to getting my music out by the more traditional methods, too - i will certainly welcome radio support and tv appearances and all the stuff that helps an artist get in front of a much bigger audience. just want to let you know what it means to me that i have the support of  you people at this point in my career, continuing on this journey with me, the slow build of the last 8 years. and i hope to be able to provide you with lots of music for years to come.
love
terra

it's 00:50

that's the time.
i'm home on a saturday night. didn't feel like going out.
watched 3 minutes of ET, tried to write a song, washed the dishes, sent some emails, tried to write again, it didn't happen, wasted a bunch of time online, looking at stuff which is best left alone...
things are really good at the moment.
lots of exciting stuff happening.
we are in the process of redoing my website, which i think i've mentioned before, and one of the coolest things about it is that all the photos will be taken by salvador and me. we already have a bunch of them. i love that everyone wants this to be back to basics, raw, stripped down, real...no more stylists and makeup and glossy posed photos. although that was a lot of fun to try, it just wasn't me!
that is the most important thing i have learned in the past year - no one knows what is better for me that ME. no one knows who i am more than I DO!!
i think i finally understand that. have stopped looking to other people to tell me what i need, who i am, etc.
it's all so very obvious if i just open my eyes, which is what i've done.
ok - getting boring - will stop now!
i just wanted to let you all know how excited i am about everything - all the changes. and the photography. i have discovered a new love.
we bought a lens which creates a really cool effect which i cannot describe in words without getting REALLY boring. so you'll just have to wait and see some of the photos we're taking.
there will be so much stuff on the new website. lots of photos and videos and exclusive content. at least that's the plan. but first we are going to post a questionnaire, which i will let you know about when the time is right. i want to know what you guys want.
i can't remember if i've already mentioned this, and i'm too lazy at the moment to go back and look at old posts to find the answer. forgive me if i repeat myself.
oh - i'm giving away a free track when you fill out the questionnaire, and i'll let you know when it's all set up and ready to go.
but it's not about all that, really, is it...it's all about the music.
and i will have new music to start getting out to you asap. whenever that is.
thanks for hanging in there while i sort everything out.

oh - when we redo the website, this blog will be frozen in time. i'm going to start posting my blogs on the front of my website. just wanted to let you know in advance.

believe me when i say that i would SO MUCH RATHER BE TOURING THAN POSTING BLOGS!!!
god - it really gets to me sometimes.
but i know it's only temporary and soon i will have more shows booked than i can even imagine and i will be playing all the time. that's really all i want to do.
blogging is fun, but i'd so much rather be writing to you from the bus, or a hotel room, or an airport.
i'll remember this when that's all going on, though, and i'll be all the more grateful for where i am having been where i am.

oops. i forgot about this blog and recorded a video. then came back to shut down the computer and here it is. from two hours ago.

new video up on youtube really soon. it's uploading. it's for arlan cos i've promised her a song by this particular artist for ages.

i think this house has ghosts. i keep hearing stuff. it's really freaking me out and i hope my housemates come home soon!!! i've never heard ghosts in here before, but i really think i have been hearing them all night.
there's a line in the song i just recorded..."i still don't blame you for leaving baby it's hard living with ghosts." and i feel like i invited them in or something.
i don't know. it's just freaking me out.
and it's 3 am and i want to go to sleep.
but i'm scared.
:(
oh well. i'll just have to try and remember not to go towards the light...or build my next home on a native american burial ground. not too many of those around london, so i guess i'm ok. although the odds of someone being hanged somewhere around, well, anywhere in london, are pretty good. 
ughh. i've had mice. now ghosts. what's next?!?

xoxoxox

tonight

tonight i'm sitting in my kitchen.
see?
my new laptop has a little camera and i can now show you exactly what i'm writing about. or at least what i look like while i'm writing about it.
i could just do a video blog. moving photo + words.
but typing is too much fun, i think.

i put a deposit on an apartment today and i'm really excited.
just a rental - i'm not even close to being able to buy a home - maybe someday!
but anyway - this place is so wonderful and perfect and i'm really excited. it is the exact neighborhood i want to live in. east london. close to the places i like to go and the people i like to see. and shoreditch house. go on - make fun of me - i don't give a f*ck! cos i like it. i do. i can't help myself. it's the posh sitting room which i will most likely not have for a very very long time.  and the bathrooms have rich soap in them. the same soap i got from my label for christmas this year. in a nice little box, of course. well, a big box, really. it's not like they just handed me a load of soap. that would be offensive. "here's some soap! take a hint! merry xmas. btw,  it's recoupable!" but when it's in a big fancy box, it's just plain nice.

so ya - i am moving house. like i was saying, this is the coolest flat i've ever moved to. wait - i didn't say that, did i? i was about to. before i went off on a stupid tangent about soap.

in he past, i have always (ALWAYS) moved to wherever i could afford, in whichever neighborhood i could afford. i have never found what i consider to be "the perfect place" - that fabled account of walking into an apartment and realizing that this could be home, this feels like home, i want this to be my home. and choosing the neighborhood and all that, which is what i did this time. and it all fell into place.

maybe it's the fact that i have moved 20 times in the past 6 years. perhaps the gods of moving house finally took pity on me. someone needs to, for f*ck's sake. it's about time! but seriously - i am very happy about this and feel like i might have finally found the perfect temporary home for myself here in london.

did i mention that it has massive windows and a roof garden? ya. it does. and it feels like a little street in the east village (that's NYC for you who don't know) and man - it somehow feels like home.

so i move in on april 8th.

i'm playing some shows soon, too. i'll post dates on myspace when i know them. just local london shows for now. but touring is in the near future. and this time we are going to let you all decide where i tour. in UK and europe to start. it's very exciting. the website will soon change, the fan map will become a huge part of how we book tours, all other sorts of stuff will go on and evolve and take place....and you all can decide what/where/how/when. everything from how you receive my music (want monthly digital downloads of live acoustic performances? ok!!) to touring (want me to come to croatia? get enough fans to sign up on the website - free, of course - and i will come to croatia). it's all very new and forward thinking, especially for a major label, but the times are changing, and the people i work with seem to totally get it and also get that i am not a typical major label artist and my fans are weird. hehe not really. not the last part, about the fans. but i'm weird, and they know it. so we can fight the weirdness, or embrace it. embracing is so much more fun. and it's gotta be about fun. otherwise i would work in a bank. not that banking isn't fun, but i think music is probably just a little bit MORE fun, you know?

ok so that's all for now.
tomorrow i'm making videos for you.
i'll post them soon.
maybe tomorrow, after i make them.
or not.
we shall see.
yay! i just thought about my new flat! it made me smile.
see?

here's me loving my new flat, while showing love for the house i live in currently, cos i love it, too:

and that's enough of that!
xoxoxoxoxox

what to say when

you have nothing to say but you feel like saying something.
you say something like this?
i feel like writing but i don't feel like writing to anyone in particular.
i spend a lot of time feeling time pass, lately.
feeling the reality of having moved across the ocean to a new country, missing my home, missing my family, missing the things i thought i hated about my life in the US.
don't get me wrong, i like it here, though i do wonder if i will ever be happy, wherever i am.
i move from place to place, have all kinds of bizarre experiences, some better than others, and that is my life.
i don't form any permanent roots, i move every few months, i don't have any real sense of memory a lot of the time - it sounds weird - it's like i don't really remember much aside from the immediate past.
i live in whichever moment i happen to be in and the rest of everything feels like a story i read somewhere. i know it happened, i remember it in a way, and i remember very specific details - conversations, exact words - but the emotion and the feeling of those moments is gone almost as soon as they happen, leaving me with facts. lists of facts and details and information. when i'm in the middle of those moments i feel them very deeply. then they are flattened out and placed in rows in my brain. sorted into memory files. sometimes i write about them and feel them when i sing about them.
but i don't feel any more emotion than i would feel reading a book written by someone else. actually, i feel much more emotion for other people's lives than i do for myself.
it might be because my own expectations are much lower and i know that many people still expect certain things. or maybe i just think they do, and that sense of expectation and hope that i perceive in other people makes me cry. or maybe i remember a time when i had the sense of wonder and expectation and hope which i seem to think still exists in other people, and that memory makes me cry.
or maybe it's the realization of the loss of those things that makes me cry. or maybe it's that i still do have those expectations and hope, and they haven't disappeared, but there is also now a realization of truth and the way the world works, and this is a crushing realization.
i don't know.
it's a strange place to be full of hope and expectation (because i guess i actually am) and at the same time so full of an awareness which makes those hopes feel futile.
it is a conflicted place to be in one's head.
it is also no fun at all to feel the passing of time on such an acute level.
when you hear my new songs you will hear that obsession. the passing of time. i'm sure it all comes from fear of death. another fun thing to think about.
and these things just make me miss my family and my home.
because i think to myself, time is passing so quickly - i blinked and 3 months have gone by - and what am i doing? sitting here in my apartment in london. when i could be spending time with my family. and for what?
i guess once i'm in the studio again, i will feel better about it. once i'm on the road again, once i'm playing shows again. because at the moment, the trade off feels off balance. there is no upside at the moment. only a sense of loss and a longing for everything i have given up in order to be here.
i want to go home. but i won't, because that's not what i do. i push through that sadness and carry on.
and i hope, at the end of it all, whatever that means, whenever that time comes, i will say that it's all been worth it. i won't know til then. i have to survive on a hunch. and an obsession. not being able to make any other choice. there is no choice. so here i am. waiting to see what happens next. hoping it leads to something good.

xo

oh - about yesterday's quote

my dad wanted to know why i posted yesterday's quote. i think he was concerned.
see, he thought i had chosen a really safe, considerate, friendly business, which is why he was willing to give his blessing to the whole endeavor.  (just kidding)

but anyway - as many of you know, i've been sick with the flu. which means lots and lots of movies.
yesterday i watched 'amadeus' for the first time in a long time. watched mozart get f*cked around for 2 and a half hours by a whole bunch of people with more power and less talent. (essentially.)

thus the quote.

try and say it better

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side.

hunter s. thompson